And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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