it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
