Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
