the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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