so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
