What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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