Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
