why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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