Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
