Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
