I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
