The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
