every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
