I haven't been this sober since birth.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
