he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
