He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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