She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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