i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
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I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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