I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
