The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
