the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
