All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
