Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
