im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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