I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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