You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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