So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
