We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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