Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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