I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!