Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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