Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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