my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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