I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
