you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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