Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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