so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
