I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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