he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
