i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
