i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize