i would punch a child for taco bell
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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