Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
