It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
