Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
