went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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