I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
