SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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