She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
