I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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