That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
