im gay
i know
yea but for you.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
