i just wanna soil my oats bro
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
