Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
