So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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