Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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