Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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