I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
