i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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