you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
