Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
