you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
