i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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