Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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