i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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