Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
