Your dad touched me again.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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