You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Those nachos came to me in a dream
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
