He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
