Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
