Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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