i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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