i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
