my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize