if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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