im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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