The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
