You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
