Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
